Being a military spouse comes with challenges no one really talks about! Here are the top 3 things I wish I would have known before marrying into the military—plus lessons from nearly 20 years of experience.
Welcome!
First and foremost, welcome! I am truly honored that you’re taking the time to read my blog. Thank you for letting me share my journey with you—I can’t wait to take you along for the ride!
✨ Introduction
Becoming a military spouse is one of those life paths that no one really prepares you for. At just eighteen years old, I had no idea what I was walking into—and honestly, no one warned me. Fast forward almost twenty years, and I have a much clearer picture of what this lifestyle really looks like. Some of it’s good, some of it’s not so good, and some of it… well, let’s just say it makes you shake your head and say, “WTF.”
My hope in sharing this is simple: if someone is thinking about marrying into this lifestyle, maybe they won’t be completely blindsided like I was. Currently the military divorce rate is sky-high, and I truly believe that if more spouses understood what they were getting into, we might actually be able to bring that number down!
So what exactly are the top 3 things? Let’s get started…
1️⃣ Be Prepared to Never Fully Unpack — Because You’re Going to Pack it Right Back Up!
We’ve lived in North Carolina for ten years now—which is practically unheard of in the military world. My husband has worked hard to keep positions at Fort Bragg just so we could stay put. While I don’t love it here (Washington State will always have my heart), our kids have been able to grow up in one place and experience some kind of normal childhood.
But before this long stretch? We were everywhere: Georgia, Oklahoma, back to Georgia, Missouri, Washington State, North Carolina, back to Missouri, Kentucky, and back to North Carolina again. And we were the lucky ones—most military spouses face far more PCS’s than this!
However, because of this move cycle, we’ve mastered the art of fast-tracking the unpacking process. I can have a house fully unpacked in one weekend and make it look like we’ve lived there for years. Even then, the truth is, you never really unpack all the way. We have an attic full of military gear that has no real home, and even five years later, my husband still hasn’t fully unpacked his office. Military life teaches you to always be ready for the next PCS (Permanent Change of Station), and that often means leaving stuff in boxes packed away.
2️⃣ Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Life as a military spouse means living in a constant state of “unknown.” You never really know when the next move will happen—or where it will take you. Just when you’ve PCS’d and finally started to feel settled, deployment orders can appear out of nowhere, leaving you to navigate life’s biggest moments on your own—like having a baby. (Yes, that really happened to me!)
We measure life in two-year increments, always aware that orders are brewing on the horizon, but never know when they’ll actually drop. Every new town brings its own challenges: being the new face, figuring out where the grocery store is, and navigating life without a built-in support system.
Sometimes we’ll spend months knowing that change is coming, but with no idea when—or what it will look like. That waiting game brings its own kind of stress, a constant weight of the unknown, that never really goes away.
That’s when I learned one of the hardest but most important truths about this life: uncertainty isn’t the exception—it’s the rule. There’s really no reason to fight it; you won’t win, you’ll just spend a lot of time emotionally exhausting yourself!
3️⃣ Loneliness Is Real
No one talks enough about how isolating military life can be. When my husband deployed to Iraq in 2005, I was living in Oklahoma completely on my own. I had one good friend, but most days it was just me in a town where I didn’t know anyone, trying to figure out life while my husband was at war.
That kind of loneliness is crushing. It’s taken me years to learn how to be okay with it—and honestly, I’m still a work in progress. These days, I’ve learned to embrace solitude, whether it’s traveling alone, hiking alone, or going out to eat by myself. I’ve discovered how to find peace even in the quiet of my own home.
Of course, the kids now help ease the loneliness, but back then? It was brutal—especially as a young woman barely out of her teens, and at times, it felt completely overwhelming and damaging.
**If you’re not okay with being alone, military life will test you in ways you can’t even imagine!
💡 No One Ever Told Me
At eighteen, I walked into this lifestyle blind. There was no handbook, no “how-to” guide for surviving as a military spouse. Most of what I learned came the hard way.
Military life is unpredictable. Just when you think you’ve got everything under control, a wave crashes in and flips your world upside down. You’ll be left dazed and confused, scrambling to find a new path forward.
But here’s the truth: while no one ever told me what I was getting myself into, I wouldn’t change the life I’ve built. It’s hard, it’s messy, and it often feels unfair—but it’s also shaped me into someone stronger than I ever imagined I could be.
Through all the unknowns and hardships, I’ve discovered a strength and independence I didn’t know existed. Military life may be unpredictable, but it’s also shaped me into someone capable of handling whatever is thrown my way.
Your Turn! 📝
If you’re a military spouse, what’s one thing you wish you would have known before marrying into the military? Share it in the comments—I’d love to hear your story!